Better to be angry?

As I come to learn about depression I discover it is far more complex and varying than I imagined.  And it is a moving target.  For the past week I've been concerned about Bernie's slow moving, sleepy, "out of it" disposition.  He moves slowly, speaks softly, is withdrawn.

Fragrant Beef Stew, Fresh Green Beans with Herbs, Rice, Fresh Fruit Cup, Broth, Apple Juice, Milk

Today I arrive about 5pm and see his hot (and deliciously fragrant) dinner pushed away from him as he sits upon his bed.  He is in street clothes with his shoes on with no blanket. When I arrived he has his eyes closed, and I think to myself "this is very familiar." Bernie hears me approach and says hello.  I ask if he'd like his dinner table brought a little closer and he becomes agitated and says "I don't want anything to do with it."

Oooh.

I haven't seen him have this much energy in weeks.

"Is something wrong with dinner?"  "No. I don't want it."  "Would you like something else?" "No."

I pause for a bit.

"Bernie you seem a little angry, is everything ok? Can I do anything?" "Not a damned thing."

After a bit of silence I see that he has not filled out tomorrow's menu choices. "Would you like a hand with the menu?" "No. I don't want anything to do with it."

Another brief pause.

"Bernie, is there anything in particular upsetting you?" "It's this damned depression." "Boy, I can understand that," I say. "Good."

Bernie anxiously glances at the clock every five minutes.  "I see you looking at the clock, is there something you're concerned about. Is there anything you are waiting for." "No."

Hmmmm.

He reaches for the apple juice on his tray with directness. He take a small sip and immediately replaces it on the tray, then goes silent for two minutes.  Then he repeats with the same determination. Then slient with eyes closed. And again. "Things ok Bernie?" "Fine."

I have become aware that depression and anger can be self-feeding and interrelated. I am not privy to his medication, but last week at the hospital I asked the nurse about antidepressants. She said, "Sometimes the doctor will discontinue antidepressants because they cause drowsiness.  They are re-instituted once patients stabilize."

I know the medications take some time before building sufficiently in the system, and I'm guessing the same is true in reverse.

I can't tell if two are related, but Bernie's disposition today was not his usual.